Turn Tail and Shoot Me Down

I'm afraid I've ruined the relationship with the words i said. I'm afraid that I've lost you forever because I feel the way I do. I'm afraid that nownothing can be the way it was. But I cant' help myself.

I can't help it if I love you as much as I do. Even if it way too much. To me you are and always have been this perfect image that I have aspired to be with since the moment i met you. You've been the one that I compare all else to, noticing all the mistakes and impurities of everyone else. I've been hurt once, loved twice and now for a third, I've fallen into the trap. I lied to myself every time someone said that maybe, my feelings for you go beyond friendship. I tried to convince myself that it would be too weird and unwanted but honestly? It was just a cover-up so you wouldn't know the truth. So we could continue to exist in this perfect relationship with no obligations.But it's getting harder and harder to live with just this. I want more.
And now the words have been said, the feelings hurt, the misinterpretations placed. And now after all that..I regret. Because now there is nothing left but an awkward silence. There is no longer that happy, light mood that was always there before, now its just gone. Learned from my mistakes and never again will I dwell on this event that is slowly becoming a distant memory.

Maybe one day. In the future I can. When I know for sure I can look back on the smiles, laughter and photos without shedding a tear. When I know I can look forward to the future and be excited by what it might bring. When I know for sure i can look back at the past and not have to put it away before it results in countless sleepless nights thinking about what might have happened if I did things differently. Until then...

I'm dying inside