I am officially over it

I can admit, I have done a lot of things wrong lately and I know there are moments when I could have done things better, prioritesed better etc. But you know, you can't exactly say you haven't either. The blame can't be pinned on one person. Honey, this is a two-way street. You can say it as many times as you want, keep defending yourself and saying its all me, me, me and I won't even retailiate. You know why? Cause it's true. Every little thing you say, I can admit. I know I went wrong and I can admit that. But when I said I needed you to be patient with me for a bit, I meant it. There was a reason for all that. I knew it would annoy you but I also expected you to understand. Hell, I thought you would be the one helping me. The thing that sucks is that you tend to jump to conclusions about my motives and whatever but have you actually ever given me a chance to explain?

I've tried telling you directly but you didn't listen or you refused to stop being angry. And I hate how no matter what either of us says, no matter who's actually to blame, in the end, it's always going to be my fault. But hey, I'm just a last resort right? You only came to me when no one else would listen. It didn't bother me because it meant you trusted me and I liked that I could make you feel better. But maybe I just wanted to be on YOUR priority list just as much as you wanted in on mine. What you didn't realise was that you were already there. The only reason I never addressed that number one spot was because it was surrounded by things I didn't want to be a part of.

So you know what? I'm over it. The idea of what could happen bothers me, it's true. But if that's the way you want it, there's nothing I can do. And if the inevitable happens, I'll face it when it comes but I'm going to try and stop it if I can. If you'll let me. But if worse comes to worse and I see that there's no hope in trying, I'm walking away and I'm not looking back because I'm sick of always being second best.